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"The most important benefit of patience consists in the way it acts as a powerful antidote to the affliction of anger - the greatest threat to our inner peace, and therefore our happiness. The mind, or spirit, is not physical, it cannot be touched or harmed directly. Only negative thoughts and emotions can harm it. Therefore, only the corresponding positive quality can protect it." ~H.H. the Dalai Lama

"Don't let the sun go down with you still angry--get over it quickly." 1

One of the biggest barriers to forgiving those who have hurt us is our unresolved hurt and anger.  More often than not, where there is hurt, there is anger.  Both need to be resolved.

Unresolved or buried anger is extremely destructive.  This is why the Bible teaches us to resolve it as quickly as possible.  Unless we do, it can turn into resentment, bitterness, hostility, and even rage if enough of it is bottled up for long enough.  It is destructive to our physical, emotional and spiritual health.  It is also very damaging to relationships and can lead to deep depression.  Being angry in and of itself is not sinful.  It is how we handle it--or fail to handle it--that is either right or wrong, creative or destructive.  No matter what the other person does to me, my anger is always my issue and my responsibilty.  Nobody makes me angry without my permission.

Anger needs to be directed to its source and felt and expressed (not just talked about) in creative ways.  Wherever possible it pays to express these feelings to the one who hurt us remembering always to "speak the truth in love." 2  Where this isn't appropriate or possible, we can write out our feelings as David often did in the Psalms, read out loud what we have written, and then burn or throw away the copy.  Or we can express these painful feelings to a trusted friend or counselor.  Whatever we do we need to express them creatively and get them off our chest once and for all.  This then clears the way for forgiveness; for as long as we nurse grudges and "sit" on our anger, we can never genuinely forgive anyone.

As Paul said, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger!"  Don't sit on it.  Don't deny it.  Don't bury and don't repress it.  Express it, in healthy ways.  And remember, what we fail to talk out creatively we will inevitably act out destructively in one way or another.

                                                  SUGGESTE PRAYER:

"Dear God, when I feel angry, please help me to express it creatively without blaming others for my reaction.  And help me always to speak the truth in love.  Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer.  Gratefully in Jesus' name, Amen."

1.  Paull, in Ephesians 4:26

2.  Ephesians 4:15

Lo-Lo's comment:

I chose this article and prayer because it touched on home when i read it.  I thought i had forgave my ex way before he had apologized.  But after i thought about it,  I had not.  I might have forgiven him but i was still holding onto much anger.  And believe me when i got his call one day out of the blue asking me for foregiveness and that he knew he really hurt me I was shocked.  I never expected that coming from him but it helped me to heal.  The way i have chose to creatively express my anger and foregiveness is writing a book about our experiences.

 (Be warned! This is a SAD blog!)

My little Brother, Russel (and why I insist on calling a 41 year old man LITTLE escapes me...he IS 6'1" and weighs likely 190!) recently experienced the worst thing IMAGINABLE! His wife, Jaime...love of his life, mother of his 2 year old son, Jackson...was murdered by a neighbor lady. What causes the neighbor to kill her, you ask? Russel and Jaime and countless other neighbors had reported the lady to the Sheriff because thay had seen things that made them think the lady was mentally unstable. One day several months before, Jaime was coming back from picking her daughter up from school and the lady ran into the road in front of her car. Jaime slammed on the brakes, turning the car sideways in the road! Jaime was MAD (rightfully so!)...and when Jaime was mad...you were going to hear about it. She jumped out of the car and yelled at the lady for not only endangering herself (the lady) but Jaimes 2 children, who were in the car! When Jamie got back in the car the lady KICKED the side of the car as she drove off! Jaime called the Sheriff...which is what you are supposed to do!

On the day of her death....Jaime got up and got her daughter ready for school...loaded the kids into the car...backed out of her drive and started down the road.She turned around to say something to her daughter and as she turned her head back to the front....she was hit in the side of the face by a jet of water coming through her window. This neighbor had hung her waterhose to the fence with it on the powerspray setting...jetting water clear across the road. Wasting water isn't ever good...but we live in Texas and we are currently in a DROUGHT. The only real way we know what happened next is that another neighbor who was also taking her child to school pulled in behind Jamie as she got out of her car to go talk to her neighbor about the spraying water. Jaime opened the gate to approach the womens door. Knocked....the door opened 4" or so...and that women shot my beautiful sister in law!

Why on Earth would I write this awful story in a "helping" blog? Glad you asked! Jaime wasnt a stupid women! She was a highly intelligent, small business owner who brought JOY to all of us! LITERALLY like sunshine coming into a room! She was much younger then I am at 25. I have a child her age. Alot of people, these days, are BENT on confrontation. I know in my heart that Jaime didn't think for a SECOND that she was about to DIE giving this women the business for wasting water....heck...she didn't even GET to give her any "business"...she hadn't said a word! I just really want to remind EVERYONE to THINK before they act. That women has a mental problem that we know nothing about. I worked in MHMR for years and there are ALOT of people with mental problems, diagnosed and UNdiagnosed. Most of them never ASKED for a mental problem. (keeping in mind that some mental problems are caused by drug usage) It is often a chemical imbalance that is responsible. Had Jaime given half a thought to WHO she was dealing with...she would have just called the sheriff...and my brother would still have the light of his life...Jackson (2) and Joclyn(4) would have their Mom.

So....this Holiday Season...remember that while confronting someone who you feel is WRONG in some way might make you FEEL better, if you dont KNOW them...you have no way of knowing if they are mentally unbalanced or what they are capable of. Give your loved ones a gift...and pass up the opportunity to confront them on the issue.

hi i am a mother of three children and i want to cry. i work to pay the bill but i am falling more in debt. I know u here this a lot but what am i going to do if i get put out of my home. i can not get help from family i am all my my children have and it sad. If i do get put out my family my laugh instead of helping, why u ask well a mouth or two ago me and my mom got in a augment that has been going on for over twenty years. and for some reason my so call family think that i have money. So they think when I ask for help it not true, see I am a women that will find a why to survive and i do not  cry wolf why because who would come to my recue who  know one. so that what i am thinking at this very moment how am going to make my rent by the 3rd of Oct. Cry as I

Namaste,

I can help you to find a new perspective on your situation so that, though you may still need to go through it, you will not suffer through it. Often, all we need is a new understanding and that helps us to get unstuck and respond to "What IS" actually going on instead of filtering What IS through past conditioning. HINT: If you are angry, can you see clearly what is actually happening, or do you look for things within what is going on to justify your anger? So, logically, if you can let go of your anger, then you will be in a better position to respond appropriately. I can help you to let go of any obstacles to clear understanding.

I am one to call on if you are open to learning a more effective and happier way to live. If you only wish to rehash old hurts or just talk to someone who will pity you or enable you to continue to stay in the same emotional place, then I am NOT to one to call. I believe you have the power to live your own life effectively, and your present circumstances are just the springboard you need to discover this for yourself. You are responsible for your life, and the only reason one suffers is not yet having figured out how to take hold of that power. If you are willing, then I can help you to find and make use of the power within you to live the happy, joyful and loving life that you can be living. 

I have experience with child abuse, sexual abuse, runaways, spousal abuse, alcoholism, excessive anger, suicidal thinking, marital problems, Spiritual confusion, sexual addiction, non-medical depression and many other situations that trigger pain within us. I can say, from my own experience and from the knowledge I have accumulated, all this and more can be overcome, if you are willing to think in a new way...and if you are willing, then I can give you the steps to get you there. You, however, have to do all the work. (Sorry, but that is the way it is. "I can see you scratch, but I cannot feel your itch.")

Do not believe that your problems are bigger than God's love. Do not believe that you are alone. He knows your dilemas and he wants to bring you comfort. "Be still and know I am God".... that is the message he gave us in Joshua.

Look, I know about struggles, I understand what it means to want to give up. I have been suicidal, addicted, lost, depressed,......... Yes, you are not the only one.

But just realize, that no matter what you are going through, God has the final answer.

Lay down your cross, lay down your addiction, give praise to the Lord.

Those whom put their trust in the Lord will renew their strength.

AMEN

Tonight was 15's chorus concert.  It was enjoyable, long and sometimes distracting.  I am still surprised, although I don't know why, at how inconsiderate people can be.  Kicking seats, talking through the performance, cell phones, crying screaming children, blah blah I could go on.  Do you know one year the music director had to remind the audience not to listen to their ipods during the performance because it hurt the children's feelings!  I realize these things irritate me because they are things I wouldn't do.  I try to remember that I am not the only one in the auditorium.  I try not to focus on the things around me that are annoying and to focus on the performance.  The one piece of advice my mother gave me was to live in the present.  It is actually hard to do.  But when you do, you get more out of your time.  That brings to mind the memorial day parade 15 was in a few years back.  The band held a ceremony at the river by placing a wreath in the water and then marched back to the cemetery.  A bugler played an echo in the cemetery while the other bugler played in the distance.  While waiting for the band to get to the cemetery I sat on the wall that surrounded the graves and listened.  I listened to the bugles, the breeze, and noticed the flags that stood in front of the graves.  Time stood still.  I know that is why that event is so vivid.  Because I was there in whole.  When I focus on the now those annoyances are far off in the distance.  One can get lost in the negative and being able to catch yourself and say pull back can be difficult.  It is worth pulling back.  Anger takes up a lot of energy, needless most times.